Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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