Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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