I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
