Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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