I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
