I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
