Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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