So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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