At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
