It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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