my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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