She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
