I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
