so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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