i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im six kinds of drunk right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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