He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
