His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
