please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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