is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
