They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
