So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
