dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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