she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
