The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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