i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
