Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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