There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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