i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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