I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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