I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
