Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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