Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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