She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
