Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
