it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
