My girlfriend figured out who you are.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
