i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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