what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
