You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
