i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
