he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
