I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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