tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
