sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
