What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
