Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
