I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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