I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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