My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
