You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I didn't notice because vodka
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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