That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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