dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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