Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
