I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
