I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
